More rumours persist about the state of the marriage between Jennifer Lopez and three thousand-year-old cadaver Marc Anthony. This time it's the New York Daily News with a 'source' in their camp, claiming that the couple decided to divorce over the Christmas break and will announce the decision shortly after Valentine's Day, so they're completely missing the point of that particular event.

Many thought that the only way to leave Marc Anthony was to hammer a stake through his withered heart and wait for him to dissolve into dust, but it appears Jennifer is going down the more traditional route of spending the GNP of a small nation in lawyers' fees. But why wait until February if they've already made their minds up? The newspaper says,

 

"Marc and Jennifer are planning on announcing their divorce right after Marc's show at Madison Square Garden on Feb. 14. Jennifer is planning on joining Marc onstage for a surprise duet. Things haven't been right for a while now, and they thought it would be a bittersweet farewell. They're definitely planning a clean break in February."

 

Ah, a public divorce to garner a bit of attention for Skeletor's tour. Nice touch and obviously not influenced by Madonna's decision before her 'Sticky + Sweet' tour to announce the divorce halfway through. Luckily it also frees the pair up to get onto twice as many glossy magazine covers with their 'My Divorce Hell' stories (despite recently filling the cover of the glossies when they renewed their marriage vows).

 

The only question remaining is - what song will they use for the duet to signal the end of the affair? 'D.I.V.O.R.C.E' must be a frontrunner, as would 'Money, Money, Money'. I hope it's a rousing version of 'It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine. And So Does My Bank Manager).

 

by Ian McShane