Jennifer Lopez says that she has no problems with the not-at-all shady Church of Scientology and would even consider having her children attend a Scientology school. Oddly enough Jennifer is close friends with Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and John Travolta, though it's a lesser known fact that her own father has been brain-bleached by the 'religion' for the last 20 years.

Some people out there have problems with the whole Scientology thing. You know, the bits about being able to read complex emotions with a battery and a home-made sensor, psychiatrists wilfully destroying people's minds, and the thing about heroin addiction being easily cured by a programme lasting a weekend.

Oh, and there's that whole 'Alien warlords thrown into a volcano millions of years ago and their molecules causing humans negative emotions' thing that they try not to speak about these days.

Jennifer was interviewed by 'The Daily Beast', who clearly couldn't believe their luck at getting such mentalist revelations.

JL "I do know a lot about Scientology. And I know about the practices. I know all about what the technology is and all that kind of stuff. It's very helpful. So in a sense, yeah, you do call on it."

DB "Do you consider yourself a Scientologist?"

JL "No…I wouldn't have a problem saying [I was] because I know what it is. I have no problems with it and it really actually bothers me that people have such a negative feeling towards it."

DB "That it is too exotic? Too cultish?"

JL "Just negative feelings."

DB "Would you consider schooling Emme and Max in a Scientology school?"

JL "Yeah. I wouldn't mind. Not at all. Because I know that the technologies that they have are very helpful…It's all about communication. That's the thing I really don't like about talking about this. I do know so many great people who do do it, who choose it as a lifestyle and really follow it and it is their religion…I just wish that people wouldn't judge it without knowing what it is."

Cuckoo! We can all see which way this one is going, can't we? She'll be standing outside a 'Dianetics' store before Christmas trying to lure people inside for a 'personality test' and bankrupt by next Easter.

by Ian McShane