Joaquin Phoenix announced his retirement from acting last week looking even more pasty and sweaty than usual, while his exasperated publicist shrugged and made 'drinky-drinky' sipping gestures behind his head.

His behaviour puzzled some of the other celebrities at the tribute to Paul Newman because to the casual onlooker it appeared that strict teetotaller Joaquin was behaving as though he was drunk and drugged to the eyeballs, which surely can't be the case?

 

The New York Post are reporting that his actions are becoming more and more odd. Growing a beard to cover a harelip is pretty pointless too; The Edge wears his hat in the shower but he's still fooling no-one, the bald old sod. Whilst other actors performed speeches in tribute to Newman, Phoenix summoned up his great acting abilities and managed to stagger out of the room for a while.

 

"He wobbled back in a bit later, but it was odd. He was slurring his words and was unsteady on his feet."

 

To be fair, he's very good at that type of behaviour, spending most of the early part of this century in the same state. At the AFI Film Festival, Joaquin carried on with his not-at-all beserk behaviour, scrawling the words 'GOOD' and 'BYE!' on his knuckles. Unfortunately, Joaquin got his hands the wrong way round, so proudly staggered around the place clenching his fists and displaying the legend 'BYE! GOOD' to everyone there.

 

Good job he has that fantastic music career on which to concentrate.

By Ian McShane