At the playback party for Kanye West's new 'pop' album '808 & Heartbreak', at Gaucho Grill in the 02 Arena, not only did the man himself sit by the CD Player throughout, banging his head, miming the words and gesturing with his hands, at one point stopping a track to tell us that these were the best lyrics he'd ever written, singing them all a capella (in a voice that wouldn't have seen him progress to Boot Camp on X Factor) then explaining why they're so good (they really weren't - every lyric on the entirely sung and auto-tuned album was freestyled, i.e. made up as he went along), then turning the song up, ball-quakingingly loud so we could all appreciate its true greatness. But he also wouldn't stop saying the kinds of things people with pigeons for friends mumble to themselves in bus queues.

Our favourite had to be when a reporter asked him why hip hop producer T-Pain didn't feature on the record. Kanye explained that he had recorded a vocal but when he came to mix it he couldn't locate the file on his computer. He realised this must be: "God's will. He hides things."

 

After blaming the omniscient presence for his organisational fuck up, we have no explanation for why he suddenly declared that porn stars were the greatest people in the world because:

 

"We all like sex but we're not willing to wear that badge."

Going on to explain that they had sex for all of us: "A lot of porn stars like fucking and I appreciate that because I like watching them."

 

If there was a Nobel prize for music, it would surely be Kanye's...