Kanye West tells the world about his talents.

Kanye call a doctor please?

Sun, 01/02/2009 - 01:00 by chrisns

Oh dear. Kanye West has finally opened the box that was (barely) holding his ego and the whole thing has flown out and won't go back in again. Kanye looks terrified, and he's trying to stuff bits of the ego back in the box, but just as he shovels some back in, twice as much escapes again. Now the ego is beginning to blacken the sky over his head, birds fall silent thinking it's night and the ego still keeps coming.

"I'VE BEEN ATTACKED FOR BEING ME... FOR BEING BRIGHT RED IN A GREY WORLD.... I AM NUCLEAR ENERGY... WHEN ENCAPSULATED IN AN IDEA OR BOX LIKE A STAGE OR SHOE DESIGN I CREATE MAGIC... WHEN LEFT FREE SOMETIMES I BURN THINGS... IT'S THE NATURE OF A TRUE ARTIST... I AM NOT PERFECT AND I WILL NEVER BE WHAT I WAS TAUGHT MY WHOLE LIFE AND THAT WAS TO BE "CHRIST LIKE"... I'M FINE WITH JUST BEING THE BEST ME!"

Yes, that whole 'Christ-like' thing would be a massive step-down for this man. There's more. Lots more.

"SOOO THANK YOU SENSATIONAL NEWS REPORTERS ... THANK YOU GOSSIP SITES... THANK YOU BARBER SHOPS... THANK YOU TO ANYONE WHO THRIVES ON THE DOWNFALL OF OTHERS FOR I WILL NOT FALL!!! YOUR PESSIMISM IS MY POWER... YOUR PRESUMPTIONS LEAD TO MY REDEMPTIONS ... I DON'T LIKE THE OBVIOUS... I LIKE THE TENSION... I LIVE FOR THE FIGHT... I AM A SOLDIER OF FREE THOUGHT IN A CLOSED MINDED WORLD AND I AM READY FOR WAR... I HAVE LOST EVERYTHING SO I AM FEARLESS ... YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T KNOW WHO YOU'RE UP AGAINST... I WILL SPARK A GENERATION OF THINKERS WHO WILL QUESTION TRADITIONAL THOUGHT UNTIL THEY FIND THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH."

He's just sparking nausea in me, though it's about time someone spoke out about those barber shops. As the men in white coats come to bundle him into the back of the padded van with square wheels, let's reflect for a moment on the genius that was Kanye. There. We're done.