Katie Holmes has been allowed out of the basement for long enough to deliver a perfectly-scripted interview to Glamour magazine. She insists her life is great, her family are great and her career is great. All very positive, but it's likely she was signalling with her eyes towards the door as she smiled and silently mouthing 'Get me out of here! I want to live!'

Maybe Tom's alien pals have managed to invent an invisibility cloak, meaning he can accompany her to interviews and sit glowering in the corner every time her enthusiasm dips below 'creepy'. This can be the only explanation for Katie's saccharine positivity.

 

"We're all together. We like to be together, so we use the house for our meetings, play Yahtzee, board games, Scrabble."

 

Bearing in mind that Suri isn't quite three years old yet this doesn't seem that enjoyable a challenge, though you can imagine Tom leaping around from sofa to sofa and shouting 'Yeah! Alright! Woo!' when he gets a triple-word score. Katie continued, even though her grin began to fade slightly as the jaw ache set in,

 

"We grill; have pool parties. We play "The Three Little Pigs" and Suri is the Big Bad Wolf. [Tom] reads storybooks to Suri, and we all laugh. When a good song comes on, he'll break out in a dance. We'll watch movies in bed—recently Madagascar and Cinderella, for Suri. We really have a good time".

 

And in the afternoon Tom delivers a three-hour lecture about the evils of psychoanalysis and how psychiatric drugs kill everyone who use them. Then it's a quick trip to the mother ship lurking on the other side of Jupiter before it's time for tea.

 

Hey, maybe Katie's telling the truth and she's just happy living with Tom, who is actually a wonderful and non-scary partner? Maybe not.