Well here we are folks - 2009. What better way to ring in the New Year than knocking seven bells out of your lesbian partner?

That was the philosophy of Samantha Ronson and Lindsay Lohan who decided to clock each other as the clocks chimed in the New Year outside a Miami nightclub. They managed to carry on the argument well into the next year, eventually trashing a hotel room and causing security staff to be called. This is all according to the New York Post, who either have an invisible spy the size of a flea living with the couple or just made the whole thing up.

 

Samantha was 'playing a DJ set' (iPod set to 'shuffle') in the Mansion club when an argument with Lindsay began. Lindsay stormed out of the place, only to return several seconds later to explain to her partner how this fighting thing works.

 

"When I storm off, you are supposed to follow me!"

 

Well, it certainly helps to have at least two people there if you're having an argument. Eventually Samantha agreed to follow and the pair ended up in a stinking back alley outside the club. The 'insider' continued,

 

"It was a really gross alley. There was a bum eating a sandwich watching the whole thing. Lindsay was really unstable and flipping out. They were punching each other - it was bad. And they were doing this in front of all of us. It was scary."

 

Which begs the real question that demands to be answered - what type of sandwich was the tramp eating? Just to make matters more dramatic, Lindsay unfurled her vast acting experience, which oddly seemed to leave Samantha unaffected.

 

'At one point, Lohan dropped to her knees and cried, "Why are you doing this to me?" And Sam just said, "I don't know you."' If only that were true, we can but dream!

 

So the New Year begins as the old one ends, with two publicity-hungry harpies scrapping away the last remaining vestiges of their dignity for a bit of attention. Behaving like this they have the grace of a pair of dogs shitting on the kitchen floor, and in the process they make a tramp look like the noblest person in the alleyway.