So after what seems like years of teasing and coy poses for the paparazzi, Lindsay Lohan has finally cleared up the vexed issue of her sexuality in an interview with Harper's Bazaar magazine. Well, not really, though they gave her every opportunity to put the record straight (if you will).

She will admit that she is dating a woman at the moment, a woman she describes as "wonderful" and with whom she is madly in love. Now who could this be?

 

"I think it's pretty obvious who I'm seeing," she said coquettishly, then utterly refused to use the words 'Samantha' and 'Ronson' in the answer.

 

So is Lindsay, the woman who has been hanging off the front of a woman for quite a while now, bisexual? She pondered this question for quite a while, mulling over the various possibilities in her massive mind before declaring unequivocally,

 

"Maybe. Yeah."

 

I'm not sure at what point a relationship between one lovely lady and another becomes bisexual, but I'm pretty sure this pair have passed it by this point. So the interviewer loaded up the killer question. Is Lindsay a lesbian? This time her answer was direct.

 

"No."

 

So there you have it. Having a long-term sexual relationship with another woman may make you bisexual but definitely not a lesbian. At least it'll cheer Calum Best up to know that his sexual technique was so bad he only turned Lindsay bisexual instead of gay.

By Ian Mcshane