Michael Lohan has finally decided to stop running to the press to whine every time his daughter Lindsay even mentions his name. Now he's cutting out the middle man by leaving the press alone and starting his own blog where he can bitch and moan to his heart's content. He will be using the blog to highlight his concerns about the environment, the world financial crisis and the war on terror. No, not really. He'll use it to ensure that he has a bitching platform with his daughter in public. That should help build bridges in their relationship.

Though he struggled manfully (whilst posing in a simply outstanding jeans and polo neck combo), Michael was unable to prevent himself from mentioning his daughter in his inaugural posting. In fact, he mentioned little else other than his daughter and what a bad influence that Sam Ronson chap is becoming.

 

"What this website will bring to you is the TRUTH! Facts, most of which can and will be cooperated... It's easy to point fingers and be judgmental. The hard part is looking in the mirror and judging oneself. So please keep these things in mind, before you comment."

 

To be fair, Michael actually sounds quite sincere about putting the record straight there, an attitude which lasted almost into the next paragraph.

 

"Okay, so here we go... Today, on TMZ, my darling daughter Lindsay was asked for a comment in response to me saying, "Samantha is on drugs!" Lindsay's only response was, "look at him!"

"WOW! Linds, how forthright! Let me ask you; was it me who was actually pictured in the train station with a bag full of prescription drugs? Do you see me out partying with Lindsay, my other children or having raging wars with her? Was it me who jumped out of a DJ booth and punched Lindsay when she was with Calum Best? Did I drive Lindsay around for hours in LA until she fell asleep and before I ran low on gas only to call the paps and sell pictures to them? Uh uh!"

 

Sigh. Here we go again, but on a much more damaging and damaged level. Michael (manfully leaving aside the fact that if he hadn't been such a shit father he wouldn't be in this mess) will be in danger of RSI as his game of verbal table tennis with his estranged, deranged daughter escalates.

 

He'd be better off just getting a tattoo on his forehead saying 'Lindsay, Daddy loves you! Love Daddy back!', and reposting a picture of it every day. It won't work, but at least we won't have to wade through all the nonsense.

by Ian McShane