The father of Jesus, Madonna's 4th child young hot lover, has broken rank and ignored the Ice Queen protocol by telling Who Magazine his son definitely IS getting married to Madonna. Poor baby Jesus - he will die for our sins...

But before you get all Cilla and order a hat, it's only one of those Kabbalah pretend marriages (becuase Kabbalah is a pretend religion - £6 for a bottle of water isn't a religion, it's a Del Boy sketch). The ceremony is taking place in New York some time soon, once another ball of red wool has been blessed and had a $6788944 price tag put on it.

The dad also dismissed reports that Madge had made the poor, bambi-eyed sacrifice take English lessons.

"Jesus already spoke English very well before he knew Madonna! I've spoken by phone with Madonna - in French, because my English is not fluent - and she appears to me to be a normal and polite person. She is feminine. I don't feel she is a harsh person."
He doesn't even know if it is a legal binding ceremony! Dude just wants a piss up.

"It will be a type of ritual, but I do not know Kaballah, or if the ceremony will have legal validity. Jesus has chrisma and loves children," he added, unnecessarily.

Does no-one else think it weird that Madonna marries Jesus? It's like some biblical version of Dallas, but with a talon clad sinewy-armed terrahawk instead of Sue Ellen.

Moles, let us pray for baby Jesus.