Mariah Carey has been boasting about her relationship with husband Nick Cannon, and how she ensured that he was the right man for her by making him date her for two months before finally sleeping with him. Mariah (whose features appear to be rushing into the middle of her massive round head as though her nose is a black hole drawing the rest of her face inwards) says she wanted to be married before she gave up her lily for plucking.

"It's not that we had no intimacy. It's just me, and my feelings. I definitely don't want to push it on anybody else."

 

I'm surprised Nick wasn't pushing it on anyone else after two months of cold showers and personal relief when Mariah wasn't looking.

 

"But we both have similar beliefs, and I just thought that it would be so much more special if we waited until after we were married. And it was, and it still is."

 

Aww, how special! This might explain why they married two months after meeting as Nick was probably so desperate that he would have agreed to anything (apart from a pre-nuptial agreement, of course) in order to get his hands on her cash. Sorry, did I type 'cash' there? I meant 'body' of course.

by Ian McShane