Eddie Murphy - perhaps the greatest gentleman in Hollywood - has finally settled out of court in the long-contested legal battle with Melanie Brown over the birth of their child Angel Iris. Well Eddie thinks that's what she's called, though he's never taken the time out of his busy schedule to actually clap eyes on the 22 month-old.

From the outset Eddie claimed that the child was not the fruit of his active loins. After all, he's famous for being caught in flagrante with massive, fleshy transsexual hookers, so there's no way he'd sleep with a shy and petite woman like Mel B, is there? He even said that he wasn't sure that the child was his on Dutch TV (which is not a euphemism for a 'him-her' from Holland).

 

Radaronline.com are now reporting that the couple have settled out of court (the details are understandable scanty) though Eddie is still whining that he was manipulated from start to finish, claiming that Mel even elected to have a Caesarian section on his birthday to ensure that he would always have to think of his daughter when blowing out the candles on his birthday cake.

 

If Mel really did plan the pregnancy like a military operation designed to embarrass Murphy then a lot more people will have a bit of respect for her. The ongoing battle over money has been settled, so expect to see Mel walking around in skin-hugging leopard-print outfits made out of real leopards any time soon.

 

The other main issue was that of visitation rights, which has also been settled. Again, no details have been released but it's probably along the lines of Eddie being permitted to see his daughter three times a week and every other weekend. Obviously he won't actually bother to turn up. Those are the terms he's been sticking to religiously ever since Angel was born, after all.