After almost a quarter of a century on the catwalk, supermodel Naomi Campbell is set to retire.

This is probably good news for PAs around the world, but bad news for phone manufacturers who were getting repeat business from Naomi. She seemed to keep breaking her phones around the same time as her latest PA left her employment. With a sore head. Funny that.

Naomi, 38, says that she wants to stay in the UK as "Britain has the best chocolate". This is Naomi Campbell, who probably lives on a diet of boiled air that she eats with a goose feather for a spoon, giving up her massively successful career to eat chocolate. SURE she is.

This is the usual bollocks spouted by a) supermodels and b) stick-thin 'actresses'. "Oh, goodness me," they whimper, "I just love gorging on chips and kebabs and sweets and I must eat at least 100 turkey dinners a week and 4,000 loaves of bread stuffed with lard and Mars bars. But I just can't seem to put weight on." Of course you do.

Now she'll have all this time on her hands, and there's only SO much chocolate in the world, will Naomi look to revive her amazing early-Nineties 'pop' and 'literary' 'career'?

Let's send her a lorry filled with Yorkies every day to be on the safe side, eh?