Paris Hilton shows off her puny arse at a club. TMZ

Madonna and A-Rod are just friends, he claims. Well, you would, wouldn't you? WWTDD

Pamela Anderson visits an art gallery. Dressed as a whore. Dlisted

Excellent news. Posh Spice runs four miles a day. This time next year she'll be out of earshot. Laineygossip

The world's oldest actor may now struggle for work after claiming that Hitler was 'a good lad'. Bild

Tom Cruise waving a hot wand in some men's faces. Celebritysmackblog

In a surprise move Marilyn Manson's new girlfriend looks like a dead goth slathered in lipstick. Celebwarship

Beyonce Knowles has a surprisingly white complexion. Must just be the light. Mollygood

Jessica Simpson looking like an Egyptian. Or a pirate. Definitely a mess though. INO

Now Alyssa Milano has a stalker. Where's mine? Yahoonews

by Ian McShane

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WAIT! THERE'S MORE!

• 
• Victoria Beckham goes to Finland to console David after his op, takes a chilly presence
• Lady Gaga 'Telephone' video released, expensive, slutty, silly, great
• Elton John's Oscar party, posh looks drunk, Cowell's breasts
• Katie Price claims she's friends with Victoria Beckham, Victoria Beckham denies it

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