Is Michael Jackson nearly blind in one eye and needing a lung transplant? Don't ask me. TMZ

Kanye West impresses all with his cool elegance and undeniable style. WWTDD

Being single won't stop Madonna from stealing more children. Gabbybabble

Fergie to marry soon, if she evolves enough to grow a forehead. Laineygossip

Kelly Osbourne has been moulded from lard. PopsugarUK

Jennifer Aniston holds onto her man. Literally, with her desperate arms like a vice. Yeeeah

OOOOH! Katy Perry really has kissed a girl. A fame-hungry boring one. Bild

Miley Cyrus takes the next step on the 'Britney Madness' road. Allieiswired

The man in the moon asks Ashlee Simpson for his chin back. IDWYL

Katie Holmes' body is crying out for help. Amygrindhouse

The Killers, Neil Tennant and Elton John ruin Christmas. Radreport

by Ian McShane