In case 'I'm An Imbecile, Please Revoke My TV Privileges' viewers hadn't yet realised quite how one dimensional NIcola McLean is going to be on this year's show, then tonight she shows just how clunkingly stupid she really wants us to think she is. After making a strong case for the Jade Goody vote with her 'Can swallowing crocodile jizz get me pregnant?' opening gambit the other night, the glamour girl will stun viewers with her vacuousness tonight as she gets fellow contestants to celebrate her fake tits' birthday.

At one point in tonight's show she exclaims, "What day is it? Is it Wednesday? It's their birthday!" (indicating the not insubstantial breasts).

She then excitedly rushes up and ran to the Bush Telegraph interrupting an interview with Brian. "It's my boobs' first birthday today and I'm so excited!" she shouts. "Can we have a little birthday party for my boobs, please. Sorry Brian to interrupt you!"

As if gay Brain would break his concentration for breasts.

She then runs back into camp and tells the rest of her camp mates who go on to sing 'Happy Birthday' to village idiot Nicola who had nicknamed them 'Pinky and Perky'.

Unfortunately the £7,500 she got for appearing on the show, while enough to get her a new pair of tits when these ones go to way of the Finnegan's, won't be nearly enough for the labotomy she so clearly needs.

In unrelated news, apparently it only costs £5,000 to end it all at that Dignitas clinic in Switzerland...

by Rory K