Exciting news for any public schoolboys wondering what CDs will make them look dreadfully edgy down at the local yachting club - former musical bible turned 'alternative' Littlewoods catalogue the NME has published its annual Cool List. And what an absolute fucking zinger of a collection it is.

Presumably written between deciding which Glasvegas picture to slap on the cover this week, the 2008 Cool List is the latest instalment of an NME tradition which has been running since 2002 (back when they were probably heralding The Bellrays or The Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster or Tommy Shitpants And The Grandmothers as the 'future of all that is musical' or some such guff).

 

There are 50 people they've selected as the 'coolest' of the year, all the while remaining hopelessly vague about what 'cool' actually means. Suffice to say that being called 'cool' by anyone who uses the word 'cool' in the first place is about as big an honour as being called a 'ladies man' by John Leslie.

 

Highlights include hoary old Led Zep growler Robert Plant at 40 (because 'he has hair like Aslan'), Lovefoxxx from CSS at 32 (because she 'dressed up in a silver dragon outfit') and Scarlet Johansson at 29 ('breathtakingly hip', apparently).

 

Mustn't it be a genuinely depressing time to be a teenager? Y'know, what with the sacred art of musical discovery having been turned into a table discussion between the cast of Skins (who, incidentally, are so proud of the rebellious act of passing around a joint that they've forgotten to judge things on artistic merit rather than the best-sculpted-haircut remit).

 

Here's the Top Ten (including the admittedly amazing Ladyhawke at six, the wonderful M.I.A at eight and the electric George Formby at four):

 

1. Alice Glass, Crystal Castle

2.Jay-Z

3. Andrew VanWyngarden, MGMT

4. Alex Turner, Arctic Monkeys/The Last Shadow Puppets

5. Sam Dust, Late Of The Pier

6. Ladyhawke

7. Caleb Followill, Kings Of Leon

8. M.I.A.

9. Liam Gallagher, Oasis

10. Caroline McKay, Glasvegas