For some reason Paris Hilton attended a party at the Hollywood Life House at the Sundance Film Festival recently. This is despite the fact that she is not currently starring in any movies (having been politely asked to leave the film industry after her jaw-dropping turn in The Hottie and the Nottie - perhaps the most-unintentionally scary movie ever made).

Those who attended were looking forward to receiving their goodie bags at the end of the evening, hoping for some lovely free luxury goods to give away as Christmas and birthday presents. Despite the fact she is a multi-millionaire heiress who has just splashed out an obscene amount on an even more obscene car, Paris was at the front of the queue when it came to getting her bag of freebies.

 

In a move described by onlookers as "without shame" Paris helped herself to a goodie bag. Then another. And then another. Finally, the greedy tart managed to stagger away from the party clutching thirty (that's 30) bags of free merchandise, much to the horror of onlookers.

 

And what was in the bags that Paris so coveted? A selection of goods from Whiting & Davis, a firm who describe themselves as

 

"The major supplier of wholesale mesh material for designers and industrial engineers all over the world."

 

In other words, a load of chain mail (which she'll be needing to cover herself in pretty soon, should any of the other guests at the party catch up with her), though if there's enough to cover her from head to toe in metal, the world might well be a much better place.

 

By Ian Mcshane