Paris Hilton has assured the world that she's actually quite a clever woman and that she's just playing a role as an incredibly shallow and stupid person for comedic value. No really, she is. And she's kept the act up for years, the little trooper.

Paris is still stinking up London whilst here to promote her show about the incredible theological shockwaves felt at the start of the Reformation when Martin Luther nailed his theses to the door of Wittenberg…hang on, that's not right, is it? No, she's here to promote her shit-shack of a show 'Paris Hilton : British Best Friend' where she will befriend a similarly shallow idiot for a short time until she loses interest after spotting something shiny.

 

The Paris we know and love is merely an invention to please the viewers, because the real Paris is a much more erudite piece of work. Says Paris.

 

"For five seasons I was stuck doing this character. It was kind of hard always having to play that character when it's not who I am. I just say jokes but they think I'm serious, which I think is funny, and I think I kind of play up the image sometimes because - whatever - it's just entertainment."

 

Whatever. This must be extreme method acting at its highest. Forget Daniel Day-Lewis staying in character between takes, Paris Hilton has been staying in character for years. This officially makes her the greatest actress in the history of the world, and therefore her incredible turn in 'House Of Wax' makes it the 'Citizen Kane' of our generation.

 

And she must spend hours in make-up every morning getting that wonk-eye painted on.