Poor Paris Hilton must be feeling like a total idiot this morning. No change there, you might think, but she has even more reasons to feel frustrated by her mental limitations at the moment. Her Beverly Hills home was burgled on Friday night, though thankfully the heiress was not home at the time, no doubt out at the library or engaged in a lively discussion about top-level philosophy or Chihuahuas.

Police report that a man wearing a hooded top (it's always the hoodies, isn't it?) entered her home and left a few minutes later with around $2m in jewellery which is probably just the stuff that Paris left by the bathroom sink, taking it off before shaving.

 

It seems that the tiny-brained socialite has an advanced security system which protects her house, including heat sensors, laser beams and a Chihuahua with a short temper. Sadly, the security system failed to work as... Paris went out without turning it on. And forgetting to lock the door. Incredibly, she did manage to turn off the big neon sign on her roof which flashes 'I'm off out now, the door's on the latch and the valuables are everywhere.'

 

Paris might be suffering from déjà vu (though she probably thinks that's just a film with Denzel Washington in it) as she was previously burgled in 2004, with thieves making off with $100,000 worth of goods. After she forgot to lock her front door. I'd imagine petty thieves all over the world are thinking of taking a trip to Beverly Hills, and they won't even need to bring a crowbar.

 

I can't wait to see that insurance claim form. Hopefully there will be a box to be ticked asking 'Are you a fuckwit with more money than sense?'

by Ian McShane