Some people have alleged that Paula Abdul is a screaming, washed-up, drug-addled, paranoid dipsomaniac, which seems a bit harsh as I've never heard her scream (and of course we believe her constant denials). When Paula Goodspeed, a former contestant on 'American Idol' killed herself outside Paula's apartment last month it was revealed that she had been stalking Abdul for around 17 years. Quick to cash in on the resulting publicity, Abdul has rarely shut up about the matter ever since.

Abdul, who is widely believed to be in line for the chop from 'American Idol' claimed in a radio interview that the producers deliberately leaked her address to Goodspeed, thereby ensuring that she would definitely be in line for the chop from 'American Idol'. What's more she was also jabbering that this was part of a three-way conspiracy to ruin her career, with the Fox Network, the 'Idol' staff and pantomime villain Simon Cowell all involved.

Make no mistake, this is a massive claim for a judge on 'American Idol'. It's the equivalent of Louis Walsh claiming that Simon Cowell keeps making none-too-subtle comments about his sexuality on the live shows, though we all know that would never happen. Paula finished with these wonderful words, as close to a career suicide note as you could possibly get.

"I put up with so much BS that I had to crawl on my belly, but I rise like a Phoenix!!!"

It's superb paranoia at its highest, but where were Fox and Cowell the first, second and third time Abdul's career went tits-up? It must be them filling her glass up with brandy rather than cola and replacing her anti-hayfever pills with high-voltage happy pills as well, the bastards.

by Ian McShane