Here's a video just released by Pete Doherty on YouTube for his remarkably tuneless song 'Last Of The English Roses'. I say 'released' but maybe it just escaped and ran screaming away from his terrible cockney urchin lair, where it had been chained to a radiator until it could be surgically attached to some melody.

Here we can see Pete indulging in the usual heroin addict pastime of playing a game of football, whilst dressed in the shirt of his beloved Queen's Park Rangers and looking almost as tortured an artist as Cristiano Ronaldo after a defender has waved a foot at him in the same postcode.

 

Pete also manages to portray another new image. The old pork-pie hat is gone, replaced by perhaps the most ridiculous item worn on someone's head since Pete was dating Kate Moss. If you're going to wear a pimp's hat and 'P-R' shoes then best not to look like a middle-class wastrel slowly spending his way through daddy's fortune.

 

And then there's the music. Trite lyrics ("I was slapped by that slapper"), a delivery that sounds like an asthmatic with a stomach full of boiled eggs and a frankly dreadful song that looks up to the heavens and aspires to the accolade of 'mundane'. For the greatest singer-songwriter/tortured artist of his generation it just seems awfully bland.

 

It's not shit though. If it were left to brew for a million years and then infused with a tiny sprinkle of talent then it might be coming off the slip road at 'Shit' and then making its way towards the junction for 'Mediocre' (twinned with 'Utterly Forgettable' in Belguim). No really, it's that bad.