Hooray! It’s time for the house to split into groups, a time honoured tradition that sometimes (fingers crossed) culminates in a huge punch-up and tray-flinging bloodbath.

This year’s split has been devised by irritating comedy foreigner buffoon Sree. Despite claiming to be a virgin he arrived at the house with a packet of condoms and has tried to molest most of the female contestants. Tonight long suffering Noirin rebuffed his advances, leading to a mental meltdown from the Indian student.

"Noirin is so dumb and stupid," he ranted to lesbian Lisa, bouffanted Kris, the blondes, gay mouth-breathing moron Charlie and that random Brazilian who doesn’t do anything. "If I do anything to give a shit about her tomorrow take your flip flops and slap me on my face." Please! Slap him on his face!

A bitch-fest ensued which left viewers in no doubt that Freddie and Wolverine would be up for the chop this week. Boo!

Other bon mots from the house of ideas included simple-faced but mega-boobed model Sophie blurt: "I’m Christian but I don’t know what it means," while spectacularly average looking perm-headed Kris called Freddie "a dweeby pleb". Which really is a bit rich coming from a window dresser from Shrewsbury.

Get punching!