Russell Brand reveals secret to success with women

Camp honey trap

Fri, 14/11/2008 - 01:00 by chrisns

Bravo to David Letterman for enduring the verbal equivalent of a terrier frantically humping your leg. Aside from his usual mock-Dickensian gubbins, Russell Brand revealed on the Letterman Show the reason for his prolific success with the fairer sex: he looks gay, so they trust him.

Searing insights abound from the sex addict gag merchant:

"In spite of appearances, I'm a heterosexual male. Because I'm so well dressed, people think 'He must be gay. Look at his haircut, he must be gay. Look how sensitive and vulnerable he is, he must be gay.' That means women feel safe around me."

Sensitive and vulnerable? Fuck off. Yeah, about as much as a meat cleaver between the eyes.

Given how Brand's unquenchable thirst for skirt is plastered across the news with unfailing regularity, we're shocked that any woman would be thick enough to think he prefers Barry to Betsy, just because he backcombs his hair. But then again, being a desperate star-fucker does have a tendency to cancel out common sense or good judgement.

Brand goes on:

"They trust me. Then bang! Pregnant! Bang! Pregnant! Bang! Pregnant! Another generation. We continue."

A future terrorised by miniature Russells running a-mock with the eyeliner? Kill us now.