'Reach for the stars?'. A bit misleading, really: seeing as the nearest star is over 146 million km away, attempting to touch it would require arms roughly about as long as Kerry Katona's repeat prescription list. Despite such glaring logical inaccuracies within their lyrics, however, it seems that pop bunnies S Club 7 still have a place within people's hearts. Hence their upcoming reunion tour.

Well - a reunion tour of sorts. Rachel Stevens is presently busy waltzing around in Strictly Come Dancing, Tina Barrett is trying to reinvent herself as a soul songstress, Jon Lee is voicing cartoons on Sky and cutie-pie Hannah Spearritt is otherwise preoccupied by her frantic clawing at the doors of our office basement. Which leaves only three.

 

Hello to Bradley McIntosh, Paul Cattermole and tearful non-racist Jo O' Meara, then. They're all set to keep the S Club 7 flame burning with an upcoming sold-out mega-tour which will see them thrill packed auditoriums. Just one thing, though - by 'upcoming sold-out mega-tour which will see them thrill packed auditoriums', we actually mean 'depressing trawl around the UK university circuit played exclusively to pissed-up 'ironic' students.'

 

Pop promoter Terry Mills has given them the stamp of approval. Sort of:

 

"It's early days. They've got some good songs so I'm sure they'll get bookings."

 

Bookings which will inevitably involve looking out over a sea of cider-necking Media Studies undergrads whose chants of 'do that one about the mountains, I love that, blah blah Hasselhoff blah blah Mighty Boosh blah blah badly-rolled joints blah blah etc' will make them die a little inside.

 

Oh, look. Before anyone complains, let's make one thing clear: we don't want to embrace stand-up comedian clichés here. Not all students are wankers, of course - just the ones who seem to think that eking out a third in Media And Unrealistic Expectations Studies has turned them into Steven fucking Spielberg or something. You'll learn. Oh, you'll all learn.