Stevie Wonder has declared that he is ready to appear on 'Dancing With The Stars', the US version of 'Celebrity Come Dancing', but one thing is holding him back. Not the fact that he's been blind since he was a young child but his weight, which he feels may lead to some embarrassing comments about him (though it'd be more embarrassing if he took a wrong turn and started to dance in a branch of Greggs the Bakers).

"Someone asked me the question, 'Can you dance?' and I said, 'You know, after having had seven children, I guess I can do something.'"

 

Well, he can clearly bang away merrily with his cock but he may be asked to do a different type of 'shag' on the show - though face it, we'd all watch him introducing some skeletal Eastern European dancer to 'Little Steven'.

 

"My challenge is, first of all to lose a little stomach... and then once I feel that I look good enough, then I'll go on and win."

 

I think he's talking about upright dancing as opposed to the horizontal kind there. Stevie is looking forward to proving his doubters wrong.

 

"(They're like) 'He's tall, he's bow-legged, he's blind, he doesn't fall off the stage when he dances...'"

 

Hands up who knew Stevie Wonder was tall and bow-legged? I've only seen him behind a piano and waving his head about (though if the voting on 'Dancing With The Stars' was restricted to neck movements and above Stevie would be a sure-fire winner)

 

The last series featured the shy and retiring Heather Mills, who apparently only has one leg (as far as I'm aware she's never mentioned this fact in public for personal gain). Now it's Stevie's turn. If they're going down some inclusive route then we can all look forward to Stephen Hawking popping wheelies on the floor next year, then later the frozen cadaver of Walt Disney being whirled around by a thin woman like she's holding a massive ice pop.