Tom Cruise has reportedly spent over one million of your Earth dollars on private tuition for his daughter Suri, the girl who will one day take over the Church of Scientology and then the known universe. Tom simply wants his daughter to be the best. At everything (and can't you just imagine him at her Nativity play, pumping his fist and screaming 'Yeah, you do great Mary, honey - way to go!')

The story is reported by the ever-unreliable National Enquirer, sandwiched between a story about a talking cake and an exclusive about Barack Obama's kidneys being attached to his knees, but there may be some truth in it, because it does sound awfully like Tom. Quoting the usual un-named source the magazine says,

 

"It doesn't matter what Suri is doing, Tom wants her to be able to do it better than any other child. All parents think their kids are special, but Tom and Katie firmly believe Suri is gifted. She is learning French and Spanish and has a tutor she sees once a week."

 

French and Spanish indeed. Anything else on which Tom is pissing his money away?

 

"Suri has shown a real love of dancing, so Tom and Katie are encouraging her as much as possible. She practices ballet, tap and modern dance for hours, nearly every day. She also has private gymnastics lessons and is learning soccer. Katie likes to have Victoria and David Beckham's sons around, since they are older. She thinks Suri will emulate what they do and learn even faster."

 

Gymnastics, Spanish, modern dance. All the essential skills necessary for a toddler at playgroup. Do remember, Suri Cruise is two years old. Tom is significantly older, and really should know better. Sheer idiocy, whatever planet you come from.