1. Vinnie waited patiently until the men finished their game and continued on to have a thoroughly pleasant evening.

2. Vinnie said: "Come on chaps, speed it up and I'll play the winner," before going on to have a thoroughly pleasant evening.

3. Vinnie bought everyone in the bar a drink before fascinating them with his in-depth analysis of the lack of punctuation in the last chapter of James Joyce's 'Ulysses', ensuring all present had a thoroughly pleasant evening.

4. Vinnie headbutted one of the men, who responded by smashing a bottle into his face. He then went to the toilet to wipe the blood and glass from his gushing wounds, noticed the other pool player in there and punched him in the mouth, before getting arrested and hauled off to the police station.

According to Juan Barerra, he and his friend Jesse Bickett were playing pool when Jones walked in and began verbally harassing the pair and demanding they step aside and let him play. When they refused he head-butted Bickett who responded by grinding a beer bottle into his face. After he had punched out Barerra in the toilets the police were called and arrested Jones and Bickett. Barerra decided to press charges, meaning the 'actor' was taken away for a lovely mugshot of his heavily plastered face. (TMZ has the pics here.)

It's a long-standing tradition that the greatest British actor of his generation gets into a violent and bloody drunken fight. Why, Sir John Gielgud used to carry a flick knife and was fond on inflicting a 'Joker' smile on anyone who looked at him in the wrong way, while Sir Laurence Olivier once offered the Krays, the Richardsons and the whole East End outside after they mocked his performance in 'Othello'.

After he was bailed Jones decided to channel his anger in a more positive way - by going off pheasant shooting, the horrible cunt. Vinnie's arrogance and idiocy may land him a spell in prison. Hey! If they have a football team there, there's the makings of a truly dreadful film waiting to happen.

by Ian McShane