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ALSO ON HOLY MOLY!

Mon 05th January 2009

Sharon Osbourne knocks the shit out of some bird in a bikini.

Mon 05th January 2009

Cheryl Cole says Ashley is learning to behave again

In a 'no holds barred' (trans: heavily PR-ed) cover interview with Vogue, Cheryl Cole has stated that husband Ashley has learned to keep his todger in his shorts.

Cheryl Cole says Ashley is learning to behave again<div id="teaser2">In a 'no holds barred' (trans: heavily PR-ed) cover interview with Vogue, Cheryl Cole has stated that husband Ashley has learned to keep his todger in his shorts. </div>

40%

Mon 05th January 2009

Tom Cruise claims Scientology cured his dyslexia

After causing the world to breathe a sigh of relief recently when he vowed to keep his wackjob Scientologist ideas to himself and stick to talking about films, Tom Cruise has already broken his New Year's resolution by blabbing to a Spanish magazine that Scientology cured his childhood dyslexia...

Tom Cruise claims Scientology cured his dyslexia<div id="teaser2">After causing the world to breathe a sigh of relief recently when he vowed to keep his wackjob Scientologist ideas to himself and stick to talking about films, Tom Cruise has already broken his New Year's resolution by blabbing to a Spanish magazine that Scientology cured his childhood dyslexia... </div>

100%

Mon 05th January 2009

Jade Goody fined £2,000 for not returning Marilyn Monroe dress

Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens and so our thoughts turn to former contestants. Notably not-a-racist porcine bellower Jade Goody. It's been reported that she hired a Marilyn Monroe-style frock for a fancy dress party back in April 2006. But she has still not retuned it and has run up late fees totalling £2,000.

Jade Goody fined £2,000 for not returning Marilyn Monroe dress<div id="teaser2">Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens and so our thoughts turn to former contestants. Notably not-a-racist porcine bellower Jade Goody. It's been reported that she hired a Marilyn Monroe-style frock for a fancy dress party back in April 2006. But she has still not retuned it and has run up late fees totalling £2,000. </div>

33.3%

Mon 05th January 2009

'A fart is a message to the brain that a poo is on the next train...' apparently

100%

Fri 26th December 2008

"Have a very teste Christmas!" Er... excuse me Alesha?

100%

Wed 17th December 2008

What would a Wombat want for Whistmas??

100%

Wed 17th December 2008

Lily Allen, Gok Wan and Claudia Winkleman under one roof, it's like Toys R Us for grown-ups.

100%

Anthony Blair

Posted 05 Jan 2009

The news today had nausea inducing scenes of our very own middle east peace envoy with his concerned face on after failing to interrupt his holiday as it all kicked off on his watch.
Just stop it you vapid self important cunt.

RATE THIS

CURRENT RATING: 56.2%

Celebrity Big Brother "race" row

Posted 05 Jan 2009

Please whoever started this shit AGAIN, do fuck off!! I couldn't care less if some numpties are alledgely racist or are making some derogatory comments on TV about white/black people. Really it doesn't affect anyone, no one gives a shit about Coolio's view on life, races, wowen etc... Is this nation so fucking bored that every year there needs to be a new "race row" pathetic scandal, all started by The Sun. As long as they keep Jade Goody and her moronic mind and views out of my face, I really do not care a bit about all those Z listers numpties in the Big Brother House.
I mean, who really wants to hear Ulrika Johnson's & Coolio's outlooks on life?!!

RATE THIS

CURRENT RATING: 82.6%

Cobra Beer Ad "Comedy" Writers...

Posted 04 Jan 2009

Seriously, these ads have had some money pumped into them haven't they? Occurring seemingly every 5 minutes on some channels in prime time slots, they obviously skimped on one important factor: Comedy. They're about as funny as a chili and broken glass colonic enema. If i ever meet any of the so-called "writers" i swear i'll stab them in both eyes. Smug, self-assured, funny-as-a-funeral cunts...

RATE THIS

CURRENT RATING: 73.1%

'Lads' and 'Tour'

Posted 03 Jan 2009

Anyone who uses the words 'Lad/s' or 'Tour' without a deep-set sense of irony. One mans 'Lads on Tour' is another mans 'cunts on shite holiday'

RATE THIS

CURRENT RATING: 84.4%

Pringles Select

Posted 03 Jan 2009

"It's in a bag, I wasn't expecting a bag" Well what were you expecting? A bottle, a sock or a potato skin? Everytime I see this ad, it reminds me of that Felix cat food that comes in a similar bag.I can't get it out of my head. So for that reason Pringle I will not be trying your fish inferred cunty posh crisps.Why are they also so fucking expensive? someone had them at a new year do and I shat in the bag.Wonder if they liked that flavour.

RATE THIS

CURRENT RATING: 84.6%

Karl Lagerfeld

Posted 02 Jan 2009

I had a look like yours once. A shirt that was too big and a suit two sizes too small. The difference is that I was a 9 year old, going to a family Wedding and not a grown man who be better displayed in the Egyptian exhibit at the British Museum. Dress like a total penis and expect the world to follow your sense of fashion? Twat.

RATE THIS

CURRENT RATING: 81.8%

FILM REVIEWS

Wed 17th December 2008

Generation Kill

Generation Kill - The new one from the bloke what did 'The Wire'<div id="teaser2">For anyone who hasn't finished watching 'The Wire', hurry up. Mainly so we can all talk about it loudly without someone rushing out of the room with their fingers in their ears to avoid spoilers, but also because the televisual-rule-book-ripper-upper, David Simon, has a new series heading for UK TV.</div>

100%

Mon 08th December 2008

Catastrophe - Mondays, 9pm, Channel 4

Catastrophe. Better than your creepy teacher flashing his 'special' Bunsen burner...

100%

Thu 27th November 2008

The I.T Crowd - Fridays, Channel 4

The I.T Crowd. Listen to your sneering inner cynic and one thing becomes clear: you should hate The I.T Crowd.<div id="teaser2">Come on - a studio-set sitcom with a laugh track? In this day and age? Didn't The Office and its realist-slanted ilk kick this kind of stuff to the curb a few years back? Haven't the makers realised that it's, like, so much cooler to be postmodern and dark and alienated than it is to play for traditional laughs?</div>

93.3%

Tue 25th November 2008

Prison Break - Season 4, Tues 10pm, Sky 1

Prison Break. If we're arsebaringly honest about it, it's rubbish

66.7%

01.12.2008

Transporter 3 - Released December 5

Transporter 3 review. Write your own Transporter instalment

The Transporter franchise races back onto cinema screens this week and this time round, professional hard-man Frank Martin (Jason Statham) must transport...

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The Transporter franchise races back onto cinema screens this week and this time round, professional hard-man Frank Martin (Jason Statham) must transport...

a) an unattractive but obedient
b) a beautiful but rebellious

...Ukrainian girl across Europe whilst trying to thwart the plans of…

a) a man who is not evil
b) a man who is evil

American newcomer Natalya Rudakova, whose Ukrainian accent is...

a) convincing
b) not convincing

...plays the mysterious Valentina, whose reckless behaviour frequently forces Frank to fight...

a) one man
b) more than one man

...at a time, with his shirt…

a) on
b) off

All of which results in a movie that is...

a) 4 out of 5
b) 1 out of 5

by Charlie Lyne

Film Trailers by Filmtrailer.com

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Mon 05th January 2009

Role Models - Out Jan 9

Role Models. Another movie about kids and how hilarious they are<div id="teaser2">The passing of time has not been kind to Seann William Scott. At the age of 32, he's officially too old to play a teenager any more, which has left him not quite knowing what to do with himself: 'The Dukes of Hazzard', 'Southland Tales', 'Mr. Woodcock'... the list of cinematic filth goes on. Thank God then, for 'Role Models', in which he is entirely bearable.</div>

Tue 30th December 2008

The Reader - Out January 2

The Reader. Don't mention the nude scenes. It might be inappropriate. <div id="teaser2">The Holocaust. A good subject for a film about the complexities of morality, not such a good subject for an irreverent review of said film. Adapted from the 1995 novel by Bernhard Schlink and set in post-war Germany, 'The Reader' tells the story of 15-year-old Michael Berg, whose relationship with a tram driver 20 years his senior is thrown into turmoil when her previous employment as an SS guard is revealed. Mega Lulz I'm sure you'll agree.</div>

100%

Tue 30th December 2008

The Strangers on DVD

The Strangers. The perfect movie for a festive morning<div id="teaser2">Half the best horror film of the year and half the worst social commentary of all time, 'The Strangers' is the perfect DVD movie because you can just take it out before the last 20 minutes starts and watch a few re-runs of the X-Factor instead.</div>

33.3%

Mon 15th December 2008

The Tale Of Despereaux - Out Dec 19

The Tale Of Despereaux. Nothing like Ratatouille... honest<div id="teaser2">A more cynical reviewer than myself might suggest that Universal Pictures' 'The Tale of Despereaux', the animated story of a plucky young mouse named Despereaux who must ensure the future of a local town by restoring the fine cuisine that it was once known for, might be relying to a certain extent on the success of last year's Pixar-produced success story 'Ratatouille', the animated story of a plucky young mouse named Remy who must ensure the future of a local restaurant by restoring the fine cuisine that it was once known for.</div>

75%

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