There are plenty of places on this planet that it would be a bad place to visit at the moment. Palestine. Somalia. Warrington. Top of the list would be the Sundance film Festival where the populace have just been forced to endure the sight of Sting not only turning up to promote a film but playing a gig to shove the message down people's throats.

Hoorah! The feel-good film of the year has arrived. For what could be jollier than a documentary following Trudie Styler as she farts around Ecuador listening to people complaining about their river being poisoned by a major oil company? How could you possibly make such a film more light-hearted? Easy - give Sting a cameo and then ensure he turns up to the Sundance Film festival to promote the thing.

 

Surprisingly there are still some people who managed to survive the incredible smug-fest of Joe Berlinger's movie 'Crude' without ripping their own eyeballs out and running screaming down the road. They thought that they'd escaped, until they were ushered into a venue where Sting (donning perhaps the most sinister tramp-beard ever seen in history)insisted on press-ganging the house band into a set. Luckily he had the foresight to bring his bass guitar along to compound the misery.

 

Isn't going to the cinema supposed to be an enjoyable experience? Sting uncharacteristically decided to make a political statement (though it was probably more enjoyable than listening to him perform any of his back catalogue). Set phasers to 'patronising'.

 

"I have a walk-on in this film and nothing else. I'm here to support the missus... I think it's a great battle to fight. All the things we've been arguing against and about are involved in this film. The right to breathe clean air, to drink fresh water, to feed your children and have a healthy life. No one has the right to stand in the way of that."

 

Sorry - dropped off for a minute there. Book your tickets at the local multiplex now, because 'Crude' is sure to be standing room only at every cinema in the land. Though it's probably still better than Sting's acting in 'Dune'.