Sad news for all the heterosexual men out there. The divine sexbomb Kelly Osbourne is off the market and is reportedly on the verge of getting engaged. The Samaritans switchboard will be going into meltdown at this news, which is basically a slap in the face for right-minded men all over the planet.

Kelly is to move in with her model boyfriend Luke Worrall, or rather he'll drag his pillowcase full of belongings around to her mansion along with a nice big bag of biscuits for his guide dog. Last year Kelly was photographed with a diamond ring on her wedding finger but she assured the aghast onlookers that she wasn't getting married, just desperate for a bit of attention.

 

A source close to the pair (or perhaps someone invented to hang a quote off) told the Page Six,

 

"They are so totally in love. (I) wouldn't be surprised if an engagement was right around the corner".

 

Bad timing that, having just missed Halloween. Congratulations to Kelly and Luke. Lucky Luke now gets the chance to wake up every morning next to that head like a bowl of rice pudding with a smear of jam for a mouth, and hopefully they'll decide that Los Angeles will be the perfect place to set up home. Anywhere but here.