The noise is the problem. Not just the sounds of her yellow, curled-over toenails scratching on the polished floors, or the cackling noises as she mixes up a youth brew, but the fact she was thumping around whilst pretending to play a guitar. One resident told the New York Daily News,

"The music is playing at all hours of the night, and the noise from the drums and the bass blares through the walls."

Hopefully it drowns out the sound of her singing. Madonna owns two apartments at the plush Harperley Hall building. She bought the second one in April 2007 for $7m (despite the residents protesting and uniting against her purchase) to turn it into a 'music studio'. The singer promised to alert the residents prior to issuing any death howls but has failed to stick to this agreement.

Now the divorce is going through there's even less incentive for her to stay in the UK. At least in this recession the earplug makers of New York are going to experience a boom in sales soon.

by Ian McShane