Courtney Love has a large collection of designer clothes, which just goes to prove that there are people in this world who believe that they can send out bits of cloth and by doing so, polish a turd. But Courtney believes that her housekeeper has been stealing some of these designer clothes and perhaps selling them on. Have you been offered a diamond-encrusted straight-jacket? If so, call Crimestoppers and try not to giggle.

The former Mrs Cobain believes that the housekeeper has been waltzing out if her house with her clothes, selling her vomit-flecked wardrobe to the highest bidder (as though there's a huge market for Courtney's unwashed duds, covered in pillar box lipstick, dandruff and self-loathing).

Courtney was understandably furious when she woke up and discovered her clothes were missing, so she immediately got on the phone to the FBI. No, the CIA. No, it was Scotland Yard. Sorry, no - it was a combination of Mossad and UNCLE. Or maybe she just vented herself on her usual MySpace rant page.

So, she was so annoyed she posted a blog. Then another. Then another. And within the space of a few short hours Courtney had managed to post an impressive sixty blogs, each more mentally unravelled than the previous one. If she were this prolific with her songwriting... well, there's still no-one who'd listen to them, but there'd be a lot more stuff to which people wouldn't be listening.

If you're a fan of Courtney (kill yourself!) or just interested in what the woman has to say (kill yourself!) then why not check out her latest blog. It may sound like the ramblings of a mentally-ill horse running around a glue factory and trying to make the most of its last few minutes, but no, it's not that clever. This is perhaps the greatest advert for the 'Just Say No' campaign. The 'Just Say No To Blogging/Breathing' campaign, that is.

Read it here (if you've really got nothing better to do with your time).

by Ian McShane