Melanie has been offered a $1m paycheque to star in the Las Vegas production of 'Peepshow' (not the one you're thinking of) - a live burlesque show which tourists can enjoy between their descent into gambling addiction and drug-fuelled excursion to the local brothels.
Mel won't be stripping off entirely during the show - as the Crimewatch maxim goes, 'don't have nightmares' - but will instead be parading around in all manner of sexy getup, including lingerie, leather, and a tight wet t-shirt that says 'I get a million dollars and I don't even have to whack my baps out! Can you fucking believe it?'. Possibly.
The show will begin next March, so if you fancy kicking off the spring season by watching a washed-up pop star pretend to be in the 1920s for a couple of hours, go for it. Plane tickets should only cost a few hundred thousand pounds by then.
At the time of writing, none of the other Spice Girls were available for comment. Mel C is presently on the reserve benches for Tottenham Hotspur, Victoria Beckham is trying not to eat anything for the seventh day in a row, Emma Bunton is just generally confused, and Geri Halliwell is praying that the Chihuahua she has put into a dress will one day turn into a real-life little girl.
by CJ
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