With Gordon Ramsey's language being famously colourful at the best of times, you can imagine that when the newspapers dropped on his doormat yesterday, he wasn't just turning the air blue, but dyeing everything within a ten mile radius of him blue with his f-ing and c-ing and w-ing and blinding.

But you have to appreciate his spokesman's ability to put some good spin on it. "Everything is fine," he said. Presumably referring to something other than the News of the World's allegations that the chef is having an affair.

The NOTW alleges that Ramsey is having an affair with a woman called Sarah Symonds, a 38-year-old PR exec who is famous for having written a book called 'Having An Affair? A Handbook For The Other Woman' after doing a kiss and tell on Jeffrey Archer in 2001.

Which if he did would have to be about as discreet a way of conducting an affair as Amy Winehouse is subtle and understated about being a drug addict.

Apparently on Friday, Blue Peter were scrabbling to find another TV chef to replace him as a guest on the show, so either they know something about the whole story of they just realised what a massively stupid mistake it was inviting the famously sweary chef on a kids show in the first place.

"Well fucking hello boys and girls - here's one I dicking made earlier!"

by Rory K