YAWN. Rouse yourselves for the simply riveting news that Britney Spears has confirmed two dates in the UK on her upcoming tour. What's that you say - pop star playing some gigs to promote an album? HOLD THE FRONT PAGE.

Yes, promoters at London's 02 Arena better have left room in their budget for next year to fully child proof their venue for next June as Britney and her mental issues will be in town to promote new album 'Circus' on the 3rd and 4th of June.

 

And if that's not something to cheer you up, there's always the thought of deepening recession next year…

 

Rob Hallett of tour promoter AEG said: "It's going to be very special."

 

Yes, we're sure it will be 'special'.

 

"We're creating a musical circus. "Expect to see jugglers, dancers, tattooed ladies and acrobats."

 

See what they've done there? The album's called 'Circus' - genius!

 

In her interview with Rolling Stone this week, the singer admitted she felt "like an old person" now her wild days are behind her, so expect Werther's stalls everywhere, the set to be kitted out in beige and for there to be that unmistakable pervading smell of stale piss.

Now that's entertainment.

 

by Rory K