Newsmound internet round up

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ALSO ON HOLY MOLY!

Mon 05th January 2009

'A fart is a message to the brain that a poo is on the next train...' apparently

100%

Fri 26th December 2008

"Have a very teste Christmas!" Er... excuse me Alesha?

100%

Wed 17th December 2008

What would a Wombat want for Whistmas??

100%

Wed 17th December 2008

Lily Allen, Gok Wan and Claudia Winkleman under one roof, it's like Toys R Us for grown-ups.

100%

Thu 11th December 2008

HM Interrogates Cheggers!

100%

Mon 08th December 2008

Alesha talks bollocks

84%

Every single...

Posted 04 Jan 2009

British male has imagined at some point or another what it would be like to have sex with the Queen.

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CURRENT RATING: 9.1%

Anyone

Posted 04 Jan 2009

who - when engaging in internet-based communication - uses the expression "lol" should, before going to bed each night, be made to watch at least two hours' worth of video footage of themselves crying uncontrollably.

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CURRENT RATING: 40%

The probability of

Posted 30 Dec 2008

a man enjoying a liberated and adventurous sex life is inversely related to the regard in which he holds Jeremy Clarkson.

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CURRENT RATING: 70.7%

It is one of nature's miracles

Posted 30 Dec 2008

That a man and a woman can consume identical food and drink over the Christmas period, but the woman processes it into several Ferrero Rocher shaped nuggets (without the foil) smelling of parma violets, while the man processes it into a skipload of vile slurry reminiscent of the worst days of the Bhopal disaster

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CURRENT RATING: 58.9%

Google Chrome

Posted 29 Dec 2008

If you use Google Chrome as your browser, you will only ever visit nine* websites.

*Not including all the porn in the Incognito window.

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CURRENT RATING: 39.1%

Rock 'n' Roll Christmas

Posted 29 Dec 2008

by Gary Glitter never seems to get played on the radio these days.

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CURRENT RATING: 88%

It is only acceptable to use the phrase 'innit' ...

Posted 28 Dec 2008

... when referring to an object that is placed inside a larger article or when forcing your mother-in-law inside her funeral coffin and preceded by the words, 'fucking get ...'

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CURRENT RATING: 72.1%

If a celebrity / sports persons

Posted 27 Dec 2008

autobiography is entiltled "my story" it is a fair indication of the level of imagination and insight contained within the book

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CURRENT RATING: 87.5%

Fairy washing up liquid

Posted 27 Dec 2008

is the dogs bollocks.
Pepperami is dogs bollocks.

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CURRENT RATING: 34.2%

Mon 05th January 2009

Role Models. Another movie about kids and how hilarious they are

The passing of time has not been kind to Seann William Scott. At the age of 32, he's officially too old to play a teenager any more, which has left him not quite knowing what to do with himself: 'The Dukes of Hazzard', 'Southland Tales', 'Mr. Woodcock'... the list of cinematic filth goes on. Thank God then, for 'Role Models', in which he is entirely bearable.

Role Models. Another movie about kids and how hilarious they are<div id="teaser2">The passing of time has not been kind to Seann William Scott. At the age of 32, he's officially too old to play a teenager any more, which has left him not quite knowing what to do with himself: 'The Dukes of Hazzard', 'Southland Tales', 'Mr. Woodcock'... the list of cinematic filth goes on. Thank God then, for 'Role Models', in which he is entirely bearable.</div>

Tue 30th December 2008

The Reader. Don't mention the nude scenes. It might be inappropriate.

The Holocaust. A good subject for a film about the complexities of morality, not such a good subject for an irreverent review of said film. Adapted from the 1995 novel by Bernhard Schlink and set in post-war Germany, 'The Reader' tells the story of 15-year-old Michael Berg, whose relationship with a tram driver 20 years his senior is thrown into turmoil when her previous employment as an SS guard is revealed. Mega Lulz I'm sure you'll agree.

The Reader. Don't mention the nude scenes. It might be inappropriate. <div id="teaser2">The Holocaust. A good subject for a film about the complexities of morality, not such a good subject for an irreverent review of said film. Adapted from the 1995 novel by Bernhard Schlink and set in post-war Germany, 'The Reader' tells the story of 15-year-old Michael Berg, whose relationship with a tram driver 20 years his senior is thrown into turmoil when her previous employment as an SS guard is revealed. Mega Lulz I'm sure you'll agree.</div>

100%

Tue 30th December 2008

The Strangers. The perfect movie for a festive morning

Half the best horror film of the year and half the worst social commentary of all time, 'The Strangers' is the perfect DVD movie because you can just take it out before the last 20 minutes starts and watch a few re-runs of the X-Factor instead.

The Strangers. The perfect movie for a festive morning<div id="teaser2">Half the best horror film of the year and half the worst social commentary of all time, 'The Strangers' is the perfect DVD movie because you can just take it out before the last 20 minutes starts and watch a few re-runs of the X-Factor instead.</div>

33.3%

Wed 17th December 2008

Generation Kill - The new one from the bloke what did 'The Wire'

For anyone who hasn't finished watching 'The Wire', hurry up. Mainly so we can all talk about it loudly without someone rushing out of the room with their fingers in their ears to avoid spoilers, but also because the televisual-rule-book-ripper-upper, David Simon, has a new series heading for UK TV.

Generation Kill - The new one from the bloke what did 'The Wire'<div id="teaser2">For anyone who hasn't finished watching 'The Wire', hurry up. Mainly so we can all talk about it loudly without someone rushing out of the room with their fingers in their ears to avoid spoilers, but also because the televisual-rule-book-ripper-upper, David Simon, has a new series heading for UK TV.</div>

100%

Mon 15th December 2008

The Tale Of Despereaux. Nothing like Ratatouille... honest

A more cynical reviewer than myself might suggest that Universal Pictures' 'The Tale of Despereaux', the animated story of a plucky young mouse named Despereaux who must ensure the future of a local town by restoring the fine cuisine that it was once known for, might be relying to a certain extent on the success of last year's Pixar-produced success story 'Ratatouille', the animated story of a plucky young mouse named Remy who must ensure the future of a local restaurant by restoring the fine cuisine that it was once known for.

The Tale Of Despereaux. Nothing like Ratatouille... honest<div id="teaser2">A more cynical reviewer than myself might suggest that Universal Pictures' 'The Tale of Despereaux', the animated story of a plucky young mouse named Despereaux who must ensure the future of a local town by restoring the fine cuisine that it was once known for, might be relying to a certain extent on the success of last year's Pixar-produced success story 'Ratatouille', the animated story of a plucky young mouse named Remy who must ensure the future of a local restaurant by restoring the fine cuisine that it was once known for.</div>

75%

Mon 08th December 2008

Catastrophe. Better than your creepy teacher flashing his 'special' Bunsen burner...

100%

04.12.2008

Newsmound. Melinda Messenger might end up with two black eyes...

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04.12.2008

Melinda Messenger may be in the next series of 'Toppling Over Forwards On Ice'. PopsugarUK

Elisha Cuthbert, ice hockey players and some unpleasant sloppy seconds. TMZ

Britney Spears' C-cup runneth over, almost. WWTDD

Alanis Morissette has one of the world's worst tattoos, and it isn't ironic. Dlisted

Lindsay Lohan lost out on playing Joan Jett in a movie, so went flying around in a strop. Laineygossip

Leonardo DiCaprio planning an Ian Fleming film. Oh-oh-no. Bild

Kevin Federline's happies moment of marriage to Britney Spears? The ceremony. Celebritysmackblog

Mariah Carey smiles as her husband kidnaps her and shoves her in a car. Socialitelife

The recovery of Evan Rachel Wood continues after her break-up from Marilyn Manson. She only looks half dead now. Celebwarship

Here's your chance to see Britney's 'Circus' video, if you give a toss. Mollygood

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