Mary-Kate Olsen dressed as…well, I don't know, really. TMZ

Kate Winslet looking... different. WWTDD

Poison dwarf Nicole Richie sympathetic about Paris Hilton's love life. Hollyscoop

Lord Vader Spice out and about in LA. ICYDK

More Victoria Beckham but less of her hair. Alo-pecia! SocialiteLife

Suri Cruise can't bear to look at her dad's smug leathery face. Laineygossip

Alicia Keys gives Abu Dhabi a bum deal. PopsugarUK

Anne Heche goes from lady love to loving wife and mother. Yeeeah

Mischa Barton had the best nude scene of the whole year, as voted for by myopic teenagers. Bild

When celebrities design condom containers. I like Tera Patrick's box best. Celebritysmackblog

by Ian McShane

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WAIT! THERE'S MORE!

• Elton John's Oscar party, posh looks drunk, Cowell's breasts
• Madonna leaves Jesus at home to attend art show, picks up reality star Adam Senn
• Oscars 2010: Our fashion experts comment on the dresses. Ish.
• Jesus Luz set to release a pop record this spring after Madonna performs miracle
• Jesus escorts Madonna to the Rio Carnival whilst wearing the dunce hat

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