Sigh. There was more quacking from Lindsay Lohan on her MySpace blog yesterday, and you'll never guess what she was banging on about again. Yes, everyone tells lies about her but she has the opportunity to address these falsehoods and refute them through the power of the internet (and an impressive misuse of punctuation). Do bear in mind that this is a grown woman writing rather than someone randomly banging the keys with a toffee hammer.

"i say everything here on myspace. okay. well, i hope that all the gossip magazines and sites, and lurkers read this cuz it's not true. ahh! i love myspace because i can just write, and i love writing, and i can prove all the liars wrong... wow- the people that make shit up must really feel silly, embarrassed, out of stories, scr*w*d, f*ck*d, punk'd, and so much more. because, i can use myspace and just let everyone know what's really going on. which is so much more fun!"

Go on, Lindsay, keep proving all the liars wrong. It does seem odd then that she pitched up to a private party last Thursday without Samantha. A private party held by Sean Penn at the John Dory restaurant to celebrate his new film 'Milk', the story of a gay cow who ponders what his udders are for (and indeed why he has udders if he's truly a male).

In front of guests including Robert De Niro, Lohan sidled up to Penn and was soon sitting by his side and becoming very intimate indeed, and much to the horror of the humans around the table Penn was responding in kind (though if he married Madonna he must have a pretty strong stomach - still, Sean, what ARE you thinking?). Fox News (our favourite broadcasters) report that the pair "nuzzled" (is your flesh crawling too?) before leaving together in search of another party that did not involve any underpants.

Damn! Surely Lindsay hasn't been telling lies about the strength of her relationship with Samantha Ronson and has gone all cock-hungry again? One thing's for sure, MySpace will soon be groaning under the weight of another Lohan lecture on 'lies'.

by Ian McShane