At his 02 gig on Saturday, Reginald Dwight told the audience that he would rather have his cock and balls chewed off by an alsatian than watch the X Factor. With an Alanis Morissette level of irony, on the other side of London, X Factor winner Alexandra Burke was being told that she would be joining Elton on stage as part of his New Year's Eve extravaganza.

Call me a cynical old fucker, but there's a sneaking suspicion in my mind that Elton may just have been saying these oh so outlandish things in order to get a few column inches.

Unless of course he really does want his genitals attacked by an Alsatian?