Will Smith and his cute as a button wife Jada Pinkett have decided to leave the whole messy world of making babies behind. The actor turned 40 in September and though he has hinted about fathering a fourth child he has now announced that he is hanging up his balls for good and putting his chap in a glass display case over the mantelpiece. And Jada is giving the turkey baster one last rinse before stowing it in the attic.

There have been rumours that Will is becoming increasingly enmeshed in theglorious Church of Scientology (and more children would mean less inheritance for the Church, after all). See if Will's comments to USA Today strike you as those of someone within shouting distance of reality.

 

"Jada and I sat down and asked, 'Where do we see ourselves?' We went to 40 years from now. We see ourselves someplace where there are seasons... We think there's mountains. We think we live on a golf course. We don't have more children - we have grandchildren."

 

They only think that there are mountains, so they could yet be retiring to Lytham St Annes.Oh dear, he's gone wrong in the head, hasn't he? Just to confirm that he has totally lost the plot, Will went on,

 

"We are the greatest philanthropists that America has ever seen. We're gonna try and get up there with Bill and Melinda Gates."

 

Maybe it's for the best he isn't having any more kids. He used to be such a nice young man as well, but he's been on the route to full-blown mentalism since the day he signed up for 'Wild Wild West'.

 

by Ian McShane