After the strenuous denials - despite the exclusive being broken here months ago - the Madonna/Guy Ritchie divorce has been concluded. He trousers an estimated £50m from it, so we can look forward to a glut of shit, not-at-all-homoerotic gangster movies to get the green light now. Thanks for that, Madge.

But Madonna is not boo-hooing too much. First of all, she is reported to have a personal fortune of £300m. Secondly, it looks unlikely she'll be all alone this Christmas morning, sitting in a filthy towelling dressing gown and eating tuna out of the tin as it floods with her tears.

 

She is apparently looking to fly baseball star Alex 'A-Rod' Rodriguez over to London for the Christmas holidays to help her out with the stuffing. But he'll be staying in a London hotel while she stays at home with the kids. How 'quaint'.

 

There is probably a joke here about him dressing up as Santa and sliding down her 'chimney' to empty his 'sack' on her 'hearth'. But we just can't see it. Can you?

 

by HorseWorm