Tiny troll Mary Kate Olsen is clearly enjoying life at the moment, having published a horrendously-expensive book with her twin sister Gollum, which is contributing to her already vast and undeserved wealth. Luckily it appears that at least she has a social conscience and can sympathise with those who have lost their livelihoods in these financially tough times.

No, not really. She's a selfish, unthinking little wretch as usual. A source for Page Six (ie a reporter who was following Olsen around all day) managed to share a lift with her in the department store Barney's (the one owned by a sinister purple dinosaur). Mary Kate was enthusing about all the cheap prices brought on by global recession causing misery to millions of people, but hardly affecting someone as gruesomely rich as herself. Olsen found herself giving Socrates a run for his money, literally spinning thoughts on economics through her ears like candy floss.

 

"It's really sad - the recession is everywhere. But at least they are having good sales."

 

Well it kind of makes up for all the people suffering and losing homes, because Mary Kate then pointed to her hat and exclaimed brightly,

 

"That's where I got this! The recession!"

 

Brilliant. Maybe she actually thinks there is a store called 'The Recession'? So bear this in mind as you stare at that single slice of turkey with half a sprout that is your Christmas dinner. It might look bad at the moment but Mary Kate Olsen got a fucking great hat really cheap!

 

by Ian McShane