U2 drummer Larry Mullen Jr (the one who sits at the back with a vacant expression and hits things) has surprised everyone by speaking out against lead singer Bono's high profile meetings with politicians, mainly because no one could ever recall Larry managing to produce a whole sentence before.

Mullen (who adopted the 'Jr' moniker after his father Larry began receiving rather large tax bills intended for his son) normally keeps quiet about such matters but after 30 years of banging the drums as hard as he can to keep out the noise coming from the dwarf at the front of the stage, he can take no more. He has decided to speak out, and in doing so reveal that he is also a pretentious twat with a child-like view of world politics. He told Q magazine:

 

"Tony Blair is a war criminal and I think he should be tried as a war criminal. Then I see Bono and him as pals and I'm going, 'I don't like that'."

 

'I don't like that'? We should all be taken aback by the literate passion Mullen displays. Yeah, because war criminals are bad, right kids? And you certainly shouldn't have them as pals, though personally I'd rather be mates with Tony Blair than the gobbiest humanitarian on the planet, urging others to donate everything they can to the poorer people while he himself lives in high luxury and has his taxes channelled through as many loopholes as he can (probably). Mullen (Jr) recognises that Bono is,

 

"Prepared to use his weight as a celebrity, at great cost to himself and his family, to help other people, but as an outsider looking in, I cringe."

 

Now you know how we've all felt since the original Live Aid. No doubt Bono will take Mullen's comments with his usual good grace and self-deprecating humour, and will at no point jump up and attempt to bite his knees like a furious Chihuahua.

 

by Ian McShane