Kid Rock is one of the finest musicians the world has ever seen. Why only last year he had a hit with 'Sweet Home Alabama' though he changed the title to 'All Summer Long' and passed it off as his own creation. It looks like he's nurturing a planet-sized ego to go with his massive talent if his latest outburst is anything to go by.

The classy singer was arrested in 2007 following a fight in that classiest of locations - a waffle house in Georgia (mmm, waffle with extra redneck on the side) and was ordered by the Judge to do 80 hours community service. Kid asked to spend the time performing for the troops in Eye-Rack, though he hadn't even been asked. Judge Alvin T. Wong, presumably reasoning that those soldiers were suffering enough, refused the request with a brilliant putdown for the publicity-hungry singer,

 

"Giving him credit for something he would otherwise love to do in front of a camera completely defeats the punitive purpose of performing community service."

 

Quite right too. I'm surprised he didn't ask for his own MTV series 'Kid Rock : Rock and Parole'. Kid hasn't taken this at all well, resorting to posting the Judge's contact details on his website (where an impressive three people have read them thinking he was that big wrestler) and yesterday Rock decided to up the stakes by continuing to moan like a greedy child outside a toyshop.

 

"If he wanted to punish me, he should have put me in jail, but he didn't. If he loves to practise law, why doesn't he go and practise fucking law in Iraq for a month, if he's so badass. If he wants to prove something to me. There ain't no bigger community service than going to play for our soldiers."

 

Superb use of the patriotism card at the end of that well-thought out and totally mature rant there. Still no news on whether Kid Rock's father is bigger than the Judge's, though it is almost certain that Mrs Wong smells of wee and lives in a tree.

 

By Ian McShane