As the world spins deeper into recession our thoughts should always be with those who provide the truly important services to society - the fashion designers. Forget whining families on minimum wage and the smelly homeless, we need to remember that some of those hardest hit by the credit crunch are multi-millionaires who make models totter down catwalks dressed in some barbed wire with a parrot on their head.

Even major fashion label Chanel were forced to sack 200 workers recently, causing Karl Lagerfeld to weep uncontrollably, like Gwyneth Paltrow immersed in recently sliced onions. No, not really - he was a bit of a twat about the whole affair to be honest, which came across as he pontificated to the International Herald Tribune.

 

"This whole crisis is like a big spring housecleaning — both moral and physical. There is no creative evolution if you don't have dramatic moments like this. Bling is over. Red carpety covered with rhinestones is out. I call it 'the new modesty.' "

 

'Carpety'? There speaks a man totally in touch with reality. So presumably this means that Karl will not be spending huge amounts of money flying around the world for fashion shows, showing off his big old head and looking like a melted Easter Island statue in sunglasses? Well no, there's one rule for the workers and another for the 'creative types' it seems.

 

"We have no budget, we do what we want and throwing money out the window brings money back in through the front door. The bottom line is that I don't deal with the bottom line. The luxury in my life is I never have to think about it."

 

There is no budget for creativity, you see. So while staff on the front line are made redundant this preening old ninny will still order new diamond waistcoats for his Chihuahua and gold lame nappies for his pet iguana. And you can bet that however much Chanel cry poverty they'll always be able to send out a few free items to some tit-heavy cadaver married to a Premiership footballer.

 

By Ian McShane