But fear not, there is a reasonable excuse for all of this nonsense. His film crew turned up late, so you see, it really wasn't his fault.

 

At least he isn't blaming God or shaking his fist at the moon (though there's plenty of time for that behaviour). Joaquin is being followed around by his brother-in-law Casey Affleck who is making a movie about Joaquin's seamless transition from actor to meths-swilling hobo - sorry, hip-hop star, a film which is sure to be as heart-breaking as it is hilarious.

 

An 'insider' told the New York Post that Joaquin grew increasingly agitated as the film crew were delayed and his temper flared when they eventually arrived a few minutes before his performance. Hopefully they were filming when Joaquin began screaming,

 

"Thanks for being late and fucking everything up."

 

See, if they'd been on time he would have delivered a smooth and polished performance instead of bouncing around like a vagrant Tigger, tripping over and crushing the mosh pit with his man glands. Thank God they didn't knock over his bottle of cider or he would have bounced through the roof in rage. Joaquin, we'll all be very disappointed if this is all an elaborate spoof for a film.

 

By Ian McShane 

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