Well, as real-life as the WWE can get, bearing in mind it's a collection of pumped-up, highly-lotioned men in tiny briefs carrying out carefully choreographed moves in a contest whose result is decided well in advance. Not quite ready to be accepted in the Olympics this wrestling lark, not that Mickey cares.

"The guys in the wrestling world, from Vince McMahon, to Rowdy Piper, to Rick Flair, they've all been supportive.I almost didn't do this film, but things worked out. And now Vince wants me to do Wrestlemania in Houston."

Never heard of any of them, but if this is what Vince McMahon wants then it's good enough for me. Thankfully Mickey's contribution will begin outside the ring where he is expected to engage in a heated debate with some pantomime villain of a wrestler, before it all erupts into a scene of violence whose result has been decided well in advance.

Mickey's penchant for surgery has left his face looking tighter than a scrotum over a kneecap. It's probably best that the whole thing is carefully choreographed - if Mickey were involved in any real violence and the scars around his ears started to pop then his whole skin would probably unravel into a long, bloody blanket.

That might well be worth the admission fee, actually.

By Ian McShane