Danielle Lloyd to release 'tell nothing' book

A spokesman for Danielle said: "She's revealing loads she's never spoken about before.

"She'll talk about her profile relationships and what really went on behind the scenes."

Wow, what, like some drunken shagging. Can't wait. But what's this? Apparently she's not even going to let on about whether Teddy Sheringham or Jermain Defoe were marathon men or jizzed in their pants in the taxi, as she's not going to kiss and tell about the sex. She's better than that, obviously...

A 'friend' said: "While Danielle will reveal all about their relationships, talk of her sex life is out of bounds.

"She's not that sort of girl."

Don't bother buying the book, let us sum it up for you: shagged Teddy Sheringham, won Miss Great Britain, had crown taken away for having shagged Sherringham, went in CBB house, was a bit racist, came out, went to Faeces nightclub in Essex, shagged a footballer (no details included), dumped, back to Faeces, shagged another footballer (again no details), the end.

As you were.

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WAIT! THERE'S MORE!

• Danielle Lloyd wears Juicy tracksuit to Tesco, gets told to leave
• Danielle Lloyd and one other glittering celebrity attend Miss UK party
• Danielle Lloyd throws engagement party, Antony Costa shows up
• Danielle Lloyd wins back Miss GB title, world rejoices
• Danielle Lloyd wears sausages for shoes, possibly to hide horrific scars

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