Well it had to happen. This is purported to be Chris Brown's defence for beating a woman so savagely that her eyes could barely be opened for the official police photographer to take pictures. This excuses the fact that Rihanna had such a massive beating to her head that she was left with two lumps on either side of her head so large that police described them as 'devil horns'. This may just be the most pathetic attempt to whine out a plea somewhere between 'It wasn't my fault' and 'She drove me to it'.

Bossip.com have a quote which they claim is direct from a highly-placed source in Chris Brown's legal team. If this is the best defence they can come up with then the next nine years of his life seem to be fairly well organised, though the views won't be great (though better than the company he'll be keeping).

 

"They were in the car leaving the Clive Davis party. While Chris was driving, he got a phone call from a young lady. Our source tells us that Rihanna knew that Chris had been messing around with this particular girl and she has, as of late, been the reason for many of their heated arguments.

 

"Rihanna got a glimpse of the phone, saw the name and number and immediately recognized who it was. She went ballistic and began to "beat the sh*t" out of Chris (while driving). She was so uncontrollable, that Chris began to fight back in self defense, which ensued the fight. Rihanna's rage stemmed from Chris' questionable fidelity in the last few months."

 

So there you have it. He was cheating on her, got a booty call and then put the boot in on Rihanna. Hospitalisation of a woman is clearly a case of self-defence, isn't it? Maybe Chris would be given a little more respect of he had held his hands up (without clenching them into fists) and admitted that there is no valid reason for a man to hit a woman.

 

A man thoroughly deserving of some dropped soap action in prison showers for years to come, ensuring that his ringpiece will be as fucked as his career.

 

And relax.